In which Adam Simon Says

In which Adam Simon Says

There are so many games I can play with you as a recording, but the simplest seems to be Simon Says. Our variation will be called Adam Simon Says after the co-creator of the headphone tour format. Let us begin.

Adam Simon says:

Lift your right arm.

Adam Simon says:

Lift your other arm.

Adam Simon says:

Stand on one foot.

(Pause)

Stand on your other foot.

Note: you should not have switched feet because I did not say Simon Says.

Also Note: I cannot tell if you did or not.

Adam Simon says:

Reflect on a childhood memory.

No, not that one.

Adam Simon says:

Create a Joke that begins with the line “My Boss tells me that I should dress for the job I want not the job I have.”

Adam Simon says:

Thank you for your time, live a productive life.

In which mother plays the nurturer

Here is my edit of a collaborative play. Feel free to try an edit of another piece if you like.

In which mother plays the nurturer

Mom: (to listener) Hey there. Hey. You wanna play with some blocks? Do you? Why don’t you play with some blocks. All of you why don’t you stack some blocks up? Work together now. Don’t forget to share. There you go. Good Job. Make that stack as tall as you can.

Kim: Hey Mom, can I have 20 dollars?

Mom: After you clean your room.

Kim: This is dumb! When I grow up I'm never cleaning my room again!

Mom: Well, then everyone is going to think you're a pig. They'll call you "pig pig pig girl" and ask me how I ever could've raised you.

Kim: I'd rather be a pig girl than a repressed WASP like you!

Mom: At least I HAVE something TO repress missy! Not like you.

(pause.)

Mom: (to listener) Oh my. You are sooo good at stacking blocks. Don’t worry if they fall over. Just start a new stack. Make sure everyone helps out. Is there another way these could've been stacked? Maybe, but your way is clearly the best. Very nice job.

Mike: What’s with these stupid piles.

Mom: That is no way to speak in this house. You apologize this instant.

Mike: Fine. Whatever.

Mom: That’s your answer for everything, isn't it!

Mike: I dunno.

Mom: I'll give you "whatever" you little son of a bitch!

Mike: I’m leaving.

Mom: (to listener) Ok now. Put those finishing touches on it now. Ooooh, very good. All done? Very good. Now I want you to mess up your piles! Go ahead, it's alright. Excellent! Now create a mess of the piles as if this were the scene of a terrible crime. YES! OH MY GOD! MORE MESS YESSSSS! Quick, here come the cops! Good! Now you'd better leave. Let's pretend like this never happened.

In which I Seventeen

Collaborative

In which I Seventeen

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Set Up: Each person gets a bingo card. It is rigged so one will be the winner. They are to fill out their card while listening to the play. At the end a listen should shout out bingo.

Bingo announcer: (each marker is read as “I seventeen...I…seventeen…” which will be marked in the script as simply I17) I17. Next reads…B4. Next marker reads I18. Alright… Next marker…Alright…O2. next marker…alright…alright…G23. N37. I have N37. B9. I have B9. I hope you are still awake out there? It’s awfully quiet. G41.O57. (second announcer overlaps) G40. N31.O55.(third announcer overlaps.) B5. Shout out if you got the win… G44. (This should give us a winner.)

Second announcer: (overlapping where indicated.) B6. I16. O50. N30.

Third announcer: (overlapping where indicated.) B7. I18. N22. O51.

(Two women overlap from beginning.)

Edith: Oh. I got that one.

Melody: Lucky Girl.

Edith: An another one.

Melody: I’m no good at this game. I’m tired of listening to this turkey. I swear if it wasn’t for Yolanda’s wig I wouldn’t eve come here.

E: I know what you mean. That slip sliding wig always keeps me guessing.

M: Life is to short to stay here.

E: Life is too long to do something else.

(pause.)

M: It’s hot in here.

E: Ooh. Boy it IS hot.

M: Not just hot. Stuffy.

E: I can hardly breathe.

M: Like the inside of a coffin.

E: Ooh. I got another.

M: I hate this game.

E: But sure passes the time before we die.

M: Sure does.

In which it is nessisary to play inside

Set up: A dejected girl plays trivial pursuit with candyland cards and pieces from monopoly. She picks up cards and moves a piece forward. The two monolgues overlap and alternate.

Content:

Rain taps on the windows.

And runs down in tiny rivers.

I cannot go outside.

I won’t see my friends today.

There’s no one to play with.

So I play by myself.

I wish someone would play with me.

Won’t you play with me?

Please.

(overlapping)

We don’t have all the pieces to any game so I made up my own.

It’s pretty simple.

You just pick up a card.

And move the piece to the spot with the same color on the card.

Once you make it all the way around you get a piece of candy.